Hollyhock’s Plastic Shaman Part I: Cultural Appropriation Didjeridu! (Feat. TIDES Canada)

Come experience my "indigenous knowledge" says the white guy- only $525 with half price accommodation!

Shine says “Indigenous Wisdom- only $525!” (plus tips and accom)

Introduction

Hollyhock is a New Age retreat on the southern tip of Cortes Island, BC. The resort was built by Greenpeace International co-founder Rex Weyler, a controversial figure who (along with Vancouver Observer editor and Hollyhocker Linda Solomon) has falsely claimed to be a Pulitzer Prize Nominee. No other New Age resort on earth can boast the claim of having two faux Pulitzer nominees.

Hollyhock is funded through TIDES Canada, an organization led in part by Linda Solomon’s brother Joel- both come from a family with deep roots in the US Democratic Party. Hollyhock also has deep links with municipal party VISION Vancouver- mayor Gregor Robertson is a neighbour, and was on the board of the Hollyhock Farm. In 2011 Vivian Krause exposed how TIDES’s US mothership TIDES Foundation purchased land next to the mayor’s house and designated it as park land (that sounds ethical!).

Hollyhock’s programs include a curious mix of shaman, sacred healers, yoga experts, creativity classes; and foreign funded activists who gather to make plans to influence Canadian policy. As with any place where you find fake Pulitzer nominees, sacred healers and American funded environmental activists; Hollyhock has no shortage of excrement- in fact, many of the island’s residents have complained about the retreat’s overwhelming septic system!

Spring is coming, and the 2014 season is nearly here- so, what better a time to start looking into Hollyhock’s abundant program offerings! Today is the first part of an informal series (that will be released from time to time) exploring Hollyhock’s plastic shaman. If you’re looking to buy some indigenous wisdom, this is the place to buy it!

 Sacred Indigenous Wisdom- Only $525 Per Person! (Plus room & board)

Indigenous wisdom delivered by Hollyhock!

Indigenous wisdom delivered by Hollyhock!

You may never admit it, but you know you’ve had this feeling before. You’re tired, spirituality depleted, hungry for some music (and porridge), and craving an injection of indigenous wisdom- but don’t want to deal with a pesky aboriginal. Well dear readers, don’t fear- Hollyhock delivers so much “indigenous wisdom” through white people that they even have a tag for it on their website!

Today’s story is about a very special kind of plastic shaman- purveyors of second hand indigenous wisdom they themselves learned from actual indigenous people! If you’re privileged enough to afford the luxury, you’re invited to come to Hollyhock between May 18-23 to join in for some Dreamtime Didjeridu!

Yes, that’s right, for only $525 you can buy yourself a heaping spoonful of indigenous wisdom for your very own self- gently fed to you by two white guys, one who was trained by a real-life Australian Aboriginal. Try and beat that Little Grandmother!

The master of the ceremony will be “Shine”, a white guy who has over 20 years experience with the Didjeridu! As already mentioned, Shine was “initiated into didjeridu healing” by an actual aboriginal elder! Some New Age cult compounds may sell fourth-hand aboriginal wisdom (or worse!) – but Hollyhock’s wisdom is always guaranteed to be third-hand or better! Shine explains to his victims students that didjeridu music helps “awaken cellular memory and activates the DNA so that we can remember who we are and realize our true purpose.”

Zach Sukuweh- the "other white guy"!

Zach Sukuweh- the “other white guy”!

Shine will be assisted during the course by Zach Sukuweh- but you don’t have to remember his name, just call him “the other white guy” like everyone else does! It’s unknown if Zach has ever met an actual Australian aboriginal, but he can sure blow his horn like one! And, if you’re feeling a little naughty, why not try out one of Zach’s “vibrational healing” sessions and get your DNA activated- for real!

Don’t want to bring up Hollyhock’s septic tank problem again, but Zach and Shine really are the shit! They both once played as the opening act for Deepak Chopra! Shine once had the privilege of playing Occupy Vancouver too!(And, curiously, Chopra led a mass meditation at Occupy Wall Street). If you want to get some indigenous wisdom- these are the two white guys to buy it from- they’re Indian approved! (Chopra was born in New Delhi)

Still having doubts? Well remember, this course is held in the off-season so while there won’t be any morning yoga and nature walks- but you’ll be fed boiled eggs and porridge every morning and get 40% off your accommodation costs! Pitching a tent (no, not in the classroom naughty, there are other courses for that!), Hollyhock will rent you a muddy space (it’s still May) for only $435 per couple! Or, if you’re part of the 1%, you can have a room with private bath for only $1435.

Book now!

Joel Solomon- pimping indigenous wisdom just for you!

Joel Solomon- pimping 2nd-hand indigenous wisdom just for you!

Remember, no New Age resort on earth can claim as many fake Pulitzer nominees as Hollyhock can! If you’re looking for white people pimping indigenous wisdom- Joel Solomon is your man. All wisdom is guaranteed to be third-hand or better- or you get your money back (minus accommodations, some refunds may be required to sign a non-disclosure agreement). Order now and get a free set of vegan steak knives- act soon!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.genuinewitty.com/2014/03/02/hollyhocks-plastic-shamen-part-i-cultural-appropriation-didjeridu-feat-tides-canada/

2 comments

    • CaligulaJones on March 3, 2014 at 14:12
    • Reply

    As Frank Zappa said, “he said for a nominal service fee, I could reach Nirvana tonight”…

    I love the fact that the same people who tell me I need to believe everything they believe science says about climate change because, well, its science, believe in this pseudo-scientific crap.

    I wonder what the overlap is for your average Greenpeacer and say, homeopathy?

    1. Exactly! How are we to trust TIDES is taking a scientific approach to their work when they’re funding a space where people make dubious claims about healing “DNA” with wind instruments? It’s madness.

      Hang on, this is just a warm up- much more madness to come…

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