An Ode To My Old Phone (And a request for your help…)

She's treated us all very well...

She’s treated us all very well…

A bit over 18 months ago I got myself a beautiful new phone. She was sleek, leading edge, and (to my inner techie) a little bundle of joy. Our first day together was amazing- I loaded apps, took pictures, called people I love ( bragged about my new love), and made my first tweets. From that day, she was mine.

If you’ve been following my work you’ve probably seen what she can do. Together we’ve live-tweeted pictures of radical left marches, arrests, and protests. I’ve used her screen to write emails, read Facebook messages, and to respond to your comments. Our relationship was fantastic.

But, then, something tragic happened.

On June 22 of last year, just a few days before my birthday, I was walking through a park in Toronto’s Kensington Market and crossed paths with a group of radical left anarchists. One of the anarchists charged at me with his flagpole (with a black flag on it) and smashed me over the head with it. He then began hitting my arms and legs- a few moments later a group of his friends started kicking me while I was down on the ground.

When they were finished I was in a state of shock. Blood was streaming down from my head and blocking my sight, my whole body was screaming in pain, and I was in need of some medical care. So, I pulled out my beloved phone to call for an ambulance- but, I was disappointed to see that her screen was smashed.

She didn’t work at first, her SIM card got knocked out of it’s slot. But, with a little bit of TLC, I was able to get her to boot up again and she got me get the help I needed. Eventually, an ambulance came and brought me to the hospital. I was sent home a few hours later after the doctor put four staples in my scalp.

Self-portrait from the ambulance after my assault...

Self-portrait from the ambulance after my assault…

From that point on, my phone wasn’t everything she used to be. Slowly, glass began chipping off of her screen- and with each day that passed, I knew our relationship would eventually come to an end. There were some close calls, days when it was clear she was suffering- but, each time, I was able to keep her alive.

Then, last Saturday, our relationship finally came to an end. I was covering a peace rally ‘against’ the war in Syria and live-tweeting the event. Suddenly, it began to rain- the water must of fallen through cracks in her broken screen, and a few moments later she stopped working. Here’s the last picture she took- a (useful) idiot carrying a Cuban flag at the ‘peace’ rally:

Just another useful idiot at a socialist rally...

Just another useful idiot at a socialist peace rally with a Cuban flag…

I’ve spent the past week trying to revive her- but despite my efforts, it looks like my beloved phone has reached the end of her life. She boots up when I hit the power but her screen no longer works, and she’s not recoverable now. I’ll miss her- we’ve had some amazing experiences together.

I’m now left without a working phone. This means I’ll no longer be able to share live-tweets of the events I cover. It also makes my work a bit more risky as I’m no longer able to call for help if I’m in need. This hinders my ability to continue exposing the misdeeds of the Canadian radical left.

So, my dear readers, I’m writing this posting requesting your help. I need a new phone, and I’m still on a contract for the old one. I earn very little from my work covering the radical left, and the cost of buying a new phone is a serious hindrance right now. So, brother (or sister), can you spare a dime?

This is the first time I’ve asked my beloved readers for help. I’m hoping some of you will be able to pitch in and help me get a new phone. With your assistance I’ll be able to continue exposing the misdeeds of the radical left, live-tweeting their craziness, and feeling safe knowing I’ll be able to call for help if I’m ever attacked again.

Perhaps you have an old phone I can use (my carrier is Wind, so it needs to be compatible)- if not, maybe you can spare a few dollars towards buying a new one. Anything you can do to help would be much appreciated. I have a lovely woman to accompany me through this battle (and, you’re amazing)- but, without my dearest phone, I’ll be a lot less effective exposing the cretins of the radical left.

Any support you can give would be welcomed- even a few dollars would help. For that I’ll promise to continue my work, and will continue to provide the quality content I’ve been sharing over the past couple of years. You don’t need a PayPal account to make a donation, all you need is a credit card. Anything you can do you help would be greatly appreciated.

My PayPal button is at the top-right of the screen (you may need to scroll up). Or, if you have a phone you can share, please write me at: [email protected]

Thank you,
-Greg

Permanent link to this article: http://www.genuinewitty.com/2013/09/16/an-ode-to-my-old-phone-and-a-request-for-your-help/

6 comments

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  1. Greg, do you prefer to use a physical key pad as what is on a blackberry, or, would you prefer a larger screen that makes use of a touch pad? Please let me know .

    • Devils Trumpet on September 16, 2013 at 18:29
    • Reply

    I have just sent you some cash,I hope it helps.If someone donates a phone to you,like undercoverkitty appears to be offering,just apply the cash to future phone bills.We need to keep you going,people like you and undercoverkitty are doing great work.

    • The Hammer on September 17, 2013 at 08:41
    • Reply

    I sent some last week before hearing about the phone. Please apply it to the cost of a replacement. If you have a phone donated then apply it to any other costs you have: bills, transit, etc.

    • Leni on September 18, 2013 at 11:33
    • Reply

    Faun would like to send you a small donation BUT PayPal will not switch to US states so we cannot finish the payment. :-( She says be safe!

    • useful idiot on September 19, 2013 at 00:38
    • Reply

    Happy to contribute Greg, keep up the great work!

    • J on September 26, 2013 at 06:05
    • Reply

    Hi Greg,

    If I wasn’t flat broke, I’d send you some money. I really appreciate what you do. I had to stop following you on twitter a while back because it was simply causing me too much stress to read all the bad news all the time, and seeing all the tweets from complete idiots and assholes. Those people scare me and after my unprovoked own run-ins with them, I’d rather keep my distance.

    Anyway, best of luck getting a new phone.

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